Lesson 9 of 11
Romance
My unusual introduction to understanding romance
When I first had my stroke at age 53, lots of bad things seemed to happen. One day Linda & I went window shopping. It exhausted my so badly that I was flat on my back for 2 days.
I often could not get out the word I was thinking. I could not carry on a good intellectual conversation with Linda.
I felt very insecure in our marriage.
So, I decided that I should be more romantic. I remember discussing romance with my staff. We were wondering what romance really is.
We decided it was small, unexpected acts we did to make our spouses feel special. That’s what I tried to start doing. To this day, I still regularly do small, unexpected acts to make Linda feel special.
Romance doesn’t disappear in marriage. It fades when it stops being fed.
Real romance is not mainly about expensive dates or dramatic gestures. It grows through daily moments of
- Affection,
- Attention,
- Gratitude, and
- Choosing each other on purpose.
The relationship may still have love — but feel like it has lost its glow.
Many couples are not in crisis. They still care. They still stay committed. But the relationship starts to feel practical, predictable, and emotionally flat.
The laughter is lighter. Affection becomes less frequent. Thoughtful attention gets replaced by routine. And slowly, both people begin to feel the difference.
- “We don’t feel that spark anymore.”
- “Life feels busy, but not especially close.”
- “We still love each other, but something feels absent.”
- “Our marriage works, yet it doesn’t feel alive.”
Romance is not a performance. It is a pattern.
Romance in marriage is built from repeated signals that say: “I still notice you. I still treasure you. I still choose you.”
That is how to bring back romance: not by waiting for the perfect mood, but by creating small moments of love, tenderness, and emotional presence on purpose.
Small expressions of love can change the emotional climate of a marriage.
Keeping love alive usually looks quieter than people expect. It often happens through modest, sincere moments repeated over time.
Small daily gestures
A kind touch, a warm compliment, or a sincere “I love you” can keep affection active instead of assumed.
Thoughtful attention
Romance deepens when your spouse feels remembered — not managed. A thoughtful note or meaningful question can say, “You matter to me.”
Emotional presence
Shared coffee, a walk, or a few undistracted minutes together can be more romantic than a fancy evening with divided attention.
Unexpected kindness
A small surprise, an act of service, or appreciation expressed at the right moment can restore tenderness and soften emotional distance.
The marriage starts to feel warmer, safer, and more alive again.
More warmth The relationship begins to feel gentler. There is more softness in daily interactions and more joy in simply being together.
More connection Emotional closeness grows when both people feel seen, appreciated, and intentionally loved rather than merely included in the schedule.
Less distance Romance helps interrupt the coldness of routine. It reminds both spouses that their bond is relational, not just logistical.
Feeling chosen again One of the deepest gifts of romance is this: it tells your spouse, in small but powerful ways, “I still choose you.”
How to bring back romance without making it complicated
Romance becomes sustainable when it is broken into small, repeatable actions. Start light. Stay sincere. Repeat often.
Send one thoughtful message
Say something specific: appreciation, affection, gratitude, or a memory. Make it personal, not generic.
Create one intentional moment
Sit together without screens. Go for a short walk. Have coffee and really listen. Presence is powerful.
Do one kind thing daily
Add one small romantic habit for the next 30 days. Consistency keeps love alive more than intensity.
- Compliment your spouse out loud.
- Thank them for something specific.
- Offer a spontaneous hug or affectionate touch.
- Plan a small surprise that says, “I was thinking of you.”
Romance can return, even if it has been quiet for a long time.
“This helped us realize romance was not missing because we stopped loving each other. It was missing because we stopped expressing love in small, intentional ways.”
A calmer, more connected perspective
“The ideas felt simple enough to start immediately, but meaningful enough to change the emotional tone of our marriage.”
Practical without pressure
“Instead of waiting for a big breakthrough, we started with daily warmth. That changed more than we expected.”
This lesson fits into a larger path for building a deeply connected marriage.
Romance is not meant to stand alone. It becomes stronger when supported by consideration, empathy, intimacy, communication, forgiveness, commitment, and family connection.
Keep going
Romance grows when love becomes intentional again
Take the next step in building a marriage that feels warm, peaceful, and deeply connected. Read forward gently, apply one idea at a time, and let the relationship strengthen through daily acts of love.
